7 Billion and Counting……..

The United Nations announced 10/31/2011 that the 7 billionth child will be born, marking the occasion as the first time the earth has passed another billion mark since 1999 when zombified UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan went to Sarajevo to hold up the 7 billionth child up as a token of food sources to come for all zombies.

While this may seem to some as a doomsday proclamation with 8 billion on the planet we can safely say that if we packed them in like NY City they would all fit in the state of Texas.

The future looks bright for Zombies on that note.  Nearly 1/3^rd of the earth’s population is estimated to be zombies. That leaves a lot of the others as a feasible food source.  It has been estimated that the population from the dawn of time to 1804 to reach 1 billion and then till 1927 to double.  While we see that the population rate has declined to almost 1.1% per year the number of zombified humans has grown 300% since 1992 when President Clinton took office with the largest growth in the US and China, go figure.

Editors Note:  There are an estimated 1.9 billion cattle on earth. Zero of them are zombified. -Happy Halloween everyone.

Zombies worth over $5 billion to economy

In an odd twist the Zombies in the US are being reported as being worth $5 Billion to the US economy.  While less than 1% of the Zombies are occupying somewhere they seem to make up a large part of what they are protesting.  Many Zombies are questioning the numbers but Zombie Analyst say that they dumbed down the numbers to single digit as many of the Zombies do not have enough fingers and toes to count the actual number.

Zombie Analyst claim the dollars much higher

Non-Zombies are not taking this lightly as they feel that they are the 99% that are getting shafted yet they continually align themselves to a Zombie in an attempt to comfort themselves in their own miserable existence.  One man from Peoria claims that he has friends that are Zombies but yet after we set up surveillance it was noted he not once offered his brain to any Zombie walking by.  Many are asking what do the Zombies need with money?

Democratic run congress is looking at the possibility of a Zombie Tax to get their piece o f the pie from the Zombies.  Republicans have vowed to block any attempt to increase any tax.  President Obama just asked are they buying my book.

Zombies become lost in Corn Maze

October 12^th  a horde of Zombies chased a group of teens in to a corn maze in upstate NY hoping to get an easy meal but soon found themselves lost in the 20 acre maze. 

Oct. 12th Zombies became lost in maze.

They attempted to follow their drag marks and retrace their way out of the maze but realized after a few hours they had been walking in circles.  With several zombie children in tow the other zombies began moaning for help.  Passers by heard the blood curdling moans and called the police.  Once the police got to the scene they could not figure out what was making all that noise so they sent officers in to investigate.  After an hour the investigators did not return.  Search and rescue copters were sent over the corn maze when the zombies were spotted as well as the remains of the investigators.  The local police department have decided to call off all search and rescue and close the maze at this time while the local town government decides on lifting a burn ban put in place.  The ZAFLU (Zombie American Civil Liberties Union) said they will block any attempt to hurt the trapped zombies.

Occupy Protesters leaving a bad taste.

Zombies everywhere are complaining about the bad taste that the "occupy protesters" are leaving in their mouths.  Not just the fact it is hard for them to find a decent meal in the crowd but that many of the protesters set up tents and go home.  WHAT!!!!! Go Home?  Zombies have been raiding tents left and right looking for some brains to feast upon but tents are coming up empty, more so than the brainless skulls of the protesters that stick around.  Zombified Times has obtained photos from MailOnline to prove the Zombies claims.

Abandoned?  Zombies claim so.  The shack-like building behind empty purple tents
is a marquee.  An occupied tent is in red and yellow.

Deserted:  Bodies in white, can be seen in the camp.  The green object in the foreground in a bin.  Could the tents really be empty or are there zombies in them, we think not.

It seems as protesters lack the nerve and determination to actually protest, instead opting to leave icons, debris and use their corporate greed i-phones, blackberry's and droids to take video, photos and pretend that they are there, while the Zombies continue to suffer with out food, shelter and other zombie creature comforts.

Iran becoming a zombie military dictatorship

Zombified Times has learned that Iranian President Ahmadinejad has raised a massive zombie military and is attempting to use it to control the citizens of Iran.  While video feeds have been cut off by the Iranian government we are seeing tweets posted describing the mayhem.  Students at the Iran University of Science and Technology in Tehran have reported that buildings are exploding everywhere while the zombies try to get out the doors of those buildings to form up to march.
No doubt they will deny a zombie army but the most certainly will blame the world for a conspiracy to destroy all peace loving zombies in Iran.

Iranian Pres. waving to get zombie army to form up.

Zombies will work for ACORN

In this shocking finding we are seeing Zombies occupying Wall St. will work for ACORN.  The Zombies are playing a key role in the Occupy Wall Street movement, organizing events and hiring canvassers to collect for ACORN. These are frightening times we live in and even harder times for the Zombies, who can no longer find any brains protesting on Wall Street have turned to ACORN for subsistence.  It is possible that the Zombies are cracking open the shells of ACORN to look for the little meaty brains but are finding money that may have been siphoned off the American people thanks to a $300,000 grant given to the ACORN from HUD.  We suspect they should check the pockets of all ACORNS since they are making the Zombies pan handle for spare change, hopefully the Zombies start to bite the pretend hand that feeds.

Parents rejoice as zombies leave basement for Wall Street.

Reports are coming in that parents around the US are rejoicing at the fact that their zombie children have gone to Wall Street to complain about no jobs, corporate greed and in search of mush filled skulls to feast upon.

Mrs. Wilson of  the village stated that this was the first time junior was out of the house this long since his x-box needed to be repaired and he camped at GameStop waiting for one to exchange.  She was not sure what she was going to do with her new found freedom but she said it may have to do something with a drinking and partying.

20 to 30+ Never Employed hit Occupy Wall St.

Many other bloggers and papers are reporting similar stories.  We will continue to keep all posted as more comes to light but it appears that our original suspicions are correct that those protester are actually 30 something, NEVER employed, living with mom for the past 30 something years Zombies.  It can not be disputed that they are wondering around aimlessly, moaning and groaning and waving  arms yelling nonsense, in an attempt to stop corporate greed.  They should really let the middle class people who have worked all their life supported a family and played by the rules get in there and be the only ones protesting.

Public Service Announcement or Propoganda

Presidential wanna be is Zombified

Presidential wannabe Gov. Rick Perry appears to be the candidate of choice for US Zombies.  The American Zombies Civil Liberties Union (AZCLU) unofficially announced that they will back one of their own. Perry was often questioned if he was a robot or a zombie and it appears that has finally been answered even if his replies have been incoherent at best.  We at ZombifiedTimes supported the initial claims that he was a zombie due to his ramblings and his appeared stiffness.  His ties apparently are used to keep his head from falling off on camera while only moving his full upper torso to face his questioners.  The looks that he gives to Romney appear to either be that of hunger for brains or bewilderment.

Perry will probably continue his Presidential pursuit as long as he stays out of any states that are entering their winter season since zombies have issues keeping themselves together in colder weather.


Side Note:
Some have speculated that Paul also is Zombified although we support the notion that he is a genetic off-shoot to Ross Perot, created by the Perdue Chicken Farms that has been mummified.  We will continue to investigate and report as we uncover any additional information.

Paul Calls for End to Federal Student Loan Program

Another Zombified Politician..sure the program failed, but letting private banks finance ones education is what is causing students to fall into mass debt before college graduation. More proof of our Zombified Nation!  While Zombies are getting an education for free our GSL and Stafford Loans system is failing to assist students..all students in getting in to college.

Mind you not one Zombie is complaining and yes Ron Paul is Zombified, even though he may look mummified.  The average human is going to soon give up on college all together and that may be the ultimate plan to assist in getting more masses to become zombified.

HARP for Americans but not for Zombies

President Obama will be announcing a new government financing plan for homeowners that are underwater on their mortgages.  Great for them, the 1% that are what about the rest of us.  It seems that one group will be ignored as usual, the zombies.  Everyone knows that zombies can't swim and being underwater is just as bad for them as it would be for the rest of us.  I ask the question why the hell did you buy a house for so much money when you clearly knew the price was over inflated and you could barely afford it in the first place.  I can say that zombies have an excuse other than being the neglected members of society, they are mindless.

This plan only covers roughly 1% of Americans simply because most homes are secured by private investment and not the federal government.  Justly enough that it may only help about 800k American home owners.  Not one zombie will be protected.  We have seen the number of zombies nearly triple in the US over the past few years, and they are in all areas of the country.  They seem to have a strong hold in local governments as well as our nations capital, but yet they are going to continue being the forgotten mass.  I firmly believe that with further investigation we will see that our democratic left is truly zombies and as most zombies care nothing of their fellow zombies only themselves.......