The Real 1%

Occupy This. Op Ed.

Zombified Times is taking a look a various Occupy locations and documenting the Zombified attempts and their failures.  Today we feature Albany, NY.

A few weeks ago the Mayor of Albany, NY gave free reign to protesters to camp out and peaceful protest at a city park.  While the protest went mostly problem free there were demands being made of the city, such as placing semi-permanent structures in the city park due to the onset of winter.  Zombified Times says boo-hoo.  Grow a pair protesters.  If you want to show you determination and dedication then buck up and deal.  We the tax payers don’t want Quonset huts in our parks.  The homeless of the city suffer then maybe you should taste their plight and get a real vision to real problems, not the fascination that some how you deserve a piece of my paycheck without doing any work.

Bradley Russell-Self proclaimed Zombie Messiah of Occupy Albany

So this past week one outspoken zombie, Bradley Russell decided that he would move across the street to a state owed park.  So a protest at the state park no big deal until this self-indulgent protester decided to camp out and build a fort on the park grounds.  He refused to remove the structure and was arrested.  I applaud the state police for doing this, but now it comes to light that the Albany County DA David Soares refuses to prosecute the protesters for the trespassing violation.  By Saturday night all the protesters moved their tents to the state park and were all arrested.  Wash, Rinse and repeat, they all showed up for Sunday and attempted to camp Sunday night, arrested again.  The law is the law DA and they broke it with out permits or permission to camp at a state park.

The zombie protestor’s motive is the fact that most of us do not care what they are doing and feel that they are infringing on our rights.  The mentality of some of these protesters is clearly not on the same plane as society as a whole and their desire for free self indulgence is unnerving.  Like Lemmings they follow each other unguided and misinformed.

Their should be guidelines to protesting the government and you should be able to answer simple questions such as, is the federal reserve a government agency?  Who controls the currency and management of the economy?  What year was the Declaration of Independence ratified?  When did women receive the right to vote?  It has been clear that many of these protesters when asked can not answer any of these questions and have failed the most basic history of our country.

Protesters, go home at night.  Get organized and come back in the morning and protest.  Better yet, maybe you should take heed to other countries that organized successfully through the use of the Internet, social media and grass root efforts.  Standing around yelling at New York’s Capital will not do anything except continue to make you look like the idiots and the media is no longer on your side.  You do have the right to free speech, the right to assemble but you do not have the right to infringe on my pursuit of happiness and affect my quality of life by trashing our parks.

Occupy Zombies switch direction and retarget the real 1%

In recent days it was noted that many occupy zombies are returning home to live in their parents’ basements, playing x-box and eating pizza and living off the golden age members of our society.  Those that have worked hard all their lives and have saved for that empty nest time that they so deserve.

While a few weeks ago parents were rejoicing that the little zombies had finally got out of their houses they are now finding that is was short lived.  They are quickly realizing that this is not a sweet home coming but an obtrusive protest to the growing wealth gap in American society.

This week it was reported that those households with a person over 65 are 48% more wealthy than a household with a person under 37.  The zombies on Wall Street are now chanting to the new Operation Occupy Basement, calling for the sharing of the wealth.  Demanding that all households with persons 65 and over should forfeit half their income and savings to those without any savings or even a job.

While 35% of the population in the US is over 65 it would seem that protestors hare have math issues claiming that they are the 99%.  One protester said 65% vs. 35% isn’t really easy to chant and it is harder math than 99 vs. 1.  That is power.  Ben Dover, 35, a protester from Union City, NJ commented why should all the old folks have money, they can’t take it with ‘em.  I need it more so I can spend the time looking for work.  When asked what happened to his last job he stated that he was too old to keep being a paper boy.

Another happy group. Packed and moving to Costa Rica, free of  Zombie children

We talked with one retired veteran, H. Andout and he says he is gathering all of his friends that are retired and they will be splitting the cost to buy land in the Dominican Republic or Costa Rica and moving, at least he knows the zombies can’t get there, because they can’t swim and they never will have the money to fly there.  Good plan H.

Missing Zombie family members found.

In a bizarre case emanating from Nizhny Novgorod region in Russia, police there have located mummified bodies in the apartment of the local historian.  Several months ago US Zombies complained to the US Consulate that they feared that relatives that lived in Nizhny Novgorod had disappeared.  They had made several trips to the region to visit their relatives at the local cemeteries but found none of them at home.

One of the mummified victims (AP Photo/ guvdnn.ru/HO).

Oddly enough all of the missing were female and the accused, Anatoly Moskivin, dressed the remains and propped them up through out his apartment.  The various families involved are relieved that this matter is resolved and can now claim the remains of their beloved family members.  Sadly none of them will become zombies like us but we will still love them, moaning one zombie mother of one of the victims.

Russian police are denying that any zombies were involved in this matter and referred us to contact the local Russian Federation FSB office.  We have not heard from the reporters since then.

Why Zombies do not eat bacon.

$6.00 a pound that is why.  Since mid 2010 bacon prices have increased about 31%, but that is not just bacon but the whole pig.  Now zombies have avoided bacon because, well they only eat brains  but if they did, they wouldn’t due to the price, says zombie economist Clifford B. Eaton.

Why the increase?  Eaton commented that corn is the culprit, not zombies as some reports have claimed.  Corn producers are selling what would have been feed for pigs to ethanol producers for the production of the gasoline additive.  Zombies also gasped at that due to the fact, zombies can’t drive.  Why the heck do we care about ethanol, groaned on Zombified shopper at Sam’s Club.

Occupy Zombies damaging to business

A NYC Café owner has been forced to cut its staff by a 1/4^th due to protestors.  That was 21 people of 97 that are now a national statistic.  The Milk Street Café has seen sales drop 30 percent since the protestors moved in to a park on Wall Street.  This scene is playing over again else were.  In Oregon most businesses in the protesting area have seen up 75 percent decline in their business with on store owner say that he will have to close after 93 years in business due to the loss in an otherwise struggling economy. This all seems to be a standing truth with the occupy crew is they can not even afford a cup of coffee or to give some deserving patronage to these hard working business, other than wanting spare change for ACORN or to use the restrooms.

Zombies nationwide have complained of the intrusion to their copyrighted identities.  Though the occupy types pretend to be intelligent well round youth hiding among those that deserve to protest, those who have lost everything.  Those who worked so hard for their whole life and lost it all in a blink of an eye to the false promises of a dismal zombie government.  The real zombies have had to work harder and often go days or weeks without food because of the occupy types not having a damn thing in their skulls.

Freedom of Speech vs. The pursuit of Happiness.  Occupy folks need to go, especially when businesses are failing due to patrons being scared off from their presence or even the police presence.  Their lack of organization in most camps is causing irreversible damage to the livelihoods of thousands of real zombies and non-zombies alike.  Damage to property, private and public.  Many of the parks they are clamoring to use have hand tens of thousands of dollars in damage to the park grounds.  One estimate show the damage to Zuccotti Park grounds, benches, trees to be roughly $1 million as well protesters damaging the 9-11 memorial in the park.

This truly is a sign of the decline of western civilization and fall of the republic.

Zombies ask: Is Solar loan guarantee from US Government insider trading?

Zombified Times has learned that NextEra Energy Resources has secured a $2 billion in loan guarantees from the US Department of Energy for solar energy projects, not a bad deal except the CEO of NextEra is also on the Presidents council on Jobs and Competitiveness.  CEO and card carrying zombie Lewis Hayes sits on the council which also called for a new federal financing program to attract private investment for clean energy projects.

Now if we flip this around and say this was Joe Zombie working at a major trading firm on Wall Street and also has a connection to a major investment firm through Martha Vampire and she mentions to Joe that they are pulling all funding from a publicly traded company due to the company is going to file chapter 11 well before the company announces it actions or files bankruptcy.  That smells like insider trading especially when he sells off those stocks to make a profit before public knowledge.  Someone would be going to jail for that.

Go back to our wonderful government.  Is this not insider trading or at least a conflict of interest.  Sure asking a Zombie for an answer will probably get your head bit but lets look at the probability of a conflict and better yet did the government not learn when it gave out a $535 million loan guarantee to bankrupt Solyndra under the President recommendation.  Or what about the $43 million loan to a already bankrupt Beacon Power Corp.

This type of behavior is leaving zombies across America scared that not only are there empty skulls out on the streets of this country but there is also ever increasing number of empty skulls in Washington, where will our food come from, we don’t eat cows.

More to come on this story...I already hear the groans from Occupying Zombies.